I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
