one two three fourrrrnication!
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
