let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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