Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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