you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
