I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
