She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
