if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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