I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
