screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
