i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
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