so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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