Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
