the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
