Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
