oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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