At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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