Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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