how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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