Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
