He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
