Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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