Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
