Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
