the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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