he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
