My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
