So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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