do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
