This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
