Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
