I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
