I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I party with great urgency now.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
