I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
