Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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