actually, I'm a sock model
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
