this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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