I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
