i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize