i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
