Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
