i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
