OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Randomize
