I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
