The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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