Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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