My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
