Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize