my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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