there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
