Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
