You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
