I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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