we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
