i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize