Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
is it fun? or sober?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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