I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
