i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
