I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
