Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
