Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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