She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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