I should be sponsored by Trojan
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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