dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
