Can Purell be used as lube?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize