She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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