i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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