We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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