Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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