Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
