Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
