its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
